Have you ever had the following experience…everything is running smoothly in your life right, you feel a sense of balance and contentment. Yes, you can breathe a sigh of relief. Then out of nowhere, you are faced with an unexpected change. Perhaps it’s a positive change like joining a gym or an undesired change like having to move. You know that making this change will potentially have a positive impact on your life. Your gut tells you to do it but your brain tells you otherwise. You find yourself making excuses, distracting yourself, or even ignoring it. Perhaps you’re not ready for this change? Or wondering why is change so hard?

I understand.

Let’s be real. Change is hard.

Change can be uncomfortable and scary. Especially in the beginning, it can feel overwhelming when you are uncertain about how the change may impact you.

I get it.

As someone who struggles with anxiety, change is particularly hard for me.

So don’t worry, you’re safe, we’re presumably in the same boat.

Change can be very uncomfortable and scary. Especially in the beginning, change can feel overwhelming when you don’t know how it is going to impact you.

I get it…don’t worry, you’re safe. I’ll lead you through why you’re having a hard time with change.

Why is change so hard for me?

As a licensed clinical social worker, I understand the mental health and psychological part of why change is so hard.

As someone who suffers from anxiety, I have come to terms with the fact that uncertainty makes me feel like I do not have control.

If you’re like me and having a sense of control helps you feel better, then change for us feels like the following. We walk into an auditorium full of strangers and are forced to make a speech.

Is your pulse probably hammering just imagining this scenario?

However, time, psychotherapy, personal growth, and life experience have given me a better sense of why I get anxious when something is changing in my life.

So I’m going to share with you my expertise and lead you through why you’re having a hard time with change.

Most importantly, I am going to share 5 helpful tools on healthy ways to deal with change.

Readiness to change

In psychology, there’s a term called “readiness to change” which we use to evaluate if a client is ready and motivated to make a change in their life.

For example, I work with teens who struggle with depression. I always evaluate their lifestyle because their sleep habits, physical activity, and diet are strongly correlated with their mental health.

During my assessment, I check to see what they are currently doing and evaluate what they’re willing to change.

There is nothing wrong with where someone is on the readiness to change continuum since we’re all in different stages.

Gaining awareness of your own readiness to change is one step towards acquiring tools to better adapt to it.

5 stages in the readiness to change continuum model

In pre-contemplation, you’re basically uninterested or unaware.

In contemplation, you have begun thinking about and considering making a change.

Once you make the decision, you’re in the preparation stage, because you’re ready to take action.

Finally, you are proactive about the new behavior and take action.

Lastly this change has become a part of your life so you are in the maintenance stage to sustain whatever you have changed.

Ask yourself the following…where am I on the continuum?

You don’t need to know why you are where you are, just identifying your stage will help you.

Why change can be so difficult

One of the main reasons why change can be so difficult is because it often requires us to step out of our comfort zones.

The unknown and uncertainty of making a change can be terrifying.

Especially when you feel okay with the status quo, but you also know in your heart that making the change will improve your life.

When we’re faced with a new or unfamiliar situation, it can be challenging to navigate and make sense of it.

This can be especially true when it is significant, such as a major life transition or a major shift in your work or personal life. In these cases, we may feel overwhelmed, unsure of how to proceed, and uncertain of what the future holds.

Are you comfortable in your discomfort?

One common pattern I see in my clients is that they are comfortable in their own discomfort.

You may be unhappy with the way you are currently living your life, but you prefer it that way because something unknown is far more uncomfortable.

That’s okay…you’re in the pre-contemplation stage right now.

I know that change and uncertainty cause me feelings of insecurity, vulnerability, and anxiety.

At times, I feel like I am jumping off a diving board into an abyss and that feeling takes my breath away. I am truly terrified and want to walk away but I know I have to be brave and plunge into the unknown.

How I cope with change

Since we’re friends I’m going to be fully transparent.

As I mentioned before, anything new or different causes me to feel nervous. I need to know what to expect and not knowing is anxiety-provoking for me.

Take for example my husband trying to surprise me with a vacation. I ask him so many questions that in the end he just feels deflated because it was supposed to be a surprise.

The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.”

Alan Watts

I can’t help it. Uncertainty is scary for me.

Knowing this about myself as well as understanding the psychology behind the stress associated with change has helped me.

I have figured out that I need to identify my internal strengths and activate my support system before making a transition or big change in my life.

Whenever I feel worried or anxious, I ask myself if there is any truth to the irrational thoughts that are causing my emotional discomfort. I remind myself that a thought is just a thought and that thoughts are not real.

If I need a reality check, I call my partner who reassures me that everything is indeed okay and that it is only fear talking, and that this change (whatever change it may be) is for the better.

It’s not always easy.

I have to frequently remind myself that I am safe.

Most importantly I have to sit with the discomfort of uncertainty and breathe through it rather than distract or ignore my feelings.

In doing so, I make space for the discomfort, and over time it becomes bearable.

Why do we put worry hurdles on our path?

The journey of change can be difficult, scary, and uncertain.

The best example is when we were in COVID-19 lockdown in the spring of 2020.

Did your anxiety escalate tremendously because you felt unsafe and unstable?

Remember, change can be stressful because it can disrupt your sense of stability and security.

When the things that we rely on to feel safe and secure are disrupted, it can be difficult to adapt and feel calm and in control.

Moreover, you may not know how to differentiate between a feeling, irrational thought, and a real experience.

Unintentionally, you may put a lot of “worry hurdles” on your own path and not take the proactive steps to make the change you desire.

Remember, that is normal.

It takes a lot of practice, patience, and self-compassion to navigate through these thoughts and feelings.

I know that my worries about the unknown and change make me feel fearful.

Perhaps you do too?

I have no idea whether or not the things I am worried about are actually going to happen or not, so subconsciously, I place a worry hurdle in front of myself.

For example, I thought we were going to be in lockdown for a year. That irrational thought created a lot of unnecessary worry for me.

Do you think you prevent your own change because you put worry hurdles in front of you?

5 healthy ways to deal with change

When we’re faced with a new or unfamiliar situation, it can be challenging to navigate and make sense of it.

So, what can you do to make the process of adapting to change a bit easier?

1. Practice mindfulness

One of the best ways to overcome worry and fear about change is to practice mindfulness.

If you feel overwhelmed, do the following:

Just stop, close your eyes, put your hand on your heart, take a deep inhale through your nose, and exhale out of your mouth. Repeat this three times.

Being mindful is a helpful reminder that you are safe and that it you are simply facing something unexpected.

Instead of focusing on the past or worrying about the future, stay in the present moment.

“Encountering change can lead to an explosion of personal growth or it can lead to a stagnating implosion of clinging to our habits and other attachments. Change not only offers the opportunity for growth, but it also calls for the celebration of being present enough to experience that growth.”

Yoga Soup

It has taken me years of practice to learn how to cope with worry hurdles and I continue this practice every day.

Having a regular mindfulness practices is essential in improving my mental health and I am confident it will help you too.

2. Be patient

Remember that making a change takes time.

A lot of time.

Typically it takes our brain about 28 days to change a new habit to learn something new. So if you have something ingrained in your mind, it will take at least one month for your brain to get re-wired for the new habit or behavior.

Try to be patient with yourself and practice self-compassion.

When we practice self-compassion, we speak to ourselves as though we were speaking to a friend.

So imagine the messages and stories you are telling yourself.

Are they the way you would talk to your friend?

We speak to our friends in an honest, candid, and compassionate way right?

Talk to yourself the same way and be gentle with yourself as you navigate this uncharted territory.

3. Practice self-care and focus on your mental health

When going through a difficult phase, it’s important to take care of yourself emotionally and mentally by practicing self-care.

Engage in activities that bring you joy, and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist.

Make sure you spend time outside, focus on your sleep hygiene, stay hydrated and eat mindfully. These simple steps will ensure that this everything will go a little bit more smoothly for you.

4. Maintain a sense of control

This may sound a bit odd but it actually works. Since change makes us feel like we lack control, try your best to maintain a sense of control and stability in your life.

This can include things like setting small goals, creating a routine, and trying to maintain a sense of normalcy in your daily life.

5. Communicate openly

Finally, you can also try to communicate openly and honestly with the people around you.

Change can be difficult for our relationships.

Therefore, communicate openly and honestly with the people around you.

Tell them that you’re struggling with this new change in your life and that you need their help.

In doing so, you help maintain healthy connections and build a sense of support and understanding.

Wrap-up

Change is hard because you may feel scared, nervous, worried, and overwhelmed with the unknown and uncertainty.

Whether it’s a change in your work environment, a shift in a personal relationship, or a new challenge in your life, adapting to change can be a difficult and stressful experience.

To get a better understanding, take a moment to identify where you are on the “readiness to change continuum.”

Next, remember it’s normal for you to feel worried and put hurdles in front of yourself because you are unsure about what will happen once you make a change.

To deal with change in a healthy way, practice self-compassion, and mindfulness, and be patient with yourself. You can also practice self-care, focus on your mental health, maintain a sense of control, and most importantly communicate openly with your family and friends.

Lastly, it’s helpful to practice a daily mantra.

You can borrow mine if you’d like: “I am safe. I will be ok. It is simply change.”

What experiences have you had coping with change? Why do YOU think change is so hard and how do you deal with it? What tips have worked well for you and what have you found less helpful? Please share your stories and comments below.